By
Coach Dave Daubenmire
April 7, 2011
NewsWithViews.com
Cerebral—of or relating to the cerebrum or to the entire brain.
Rectum—the terminal part of the intestine from the sigmoid colon to the anus.
Itis—Inflammation or disease
Cerebral Rectumitis (CRI) is a common disorder that has caused America to plunge into darkness. “Sticking your head where the sun don’t shine” is a more common description of this disorder, one that for years, was an explanation for a teenager doing something stupid.
“Get your head out of your butt” is a phrase that has been uttered on more football fields than any other coaching axiom.
I remember the first time I ever head it. It was when I jumped offside in my first-ever high school football practice. No one had to explain to me what it meant. I guess by a process known as osmosis, I just knew that having one’s head in one’s butt was not a very good thing.
I had never seen anyone who was physically able to perform that gymnastic, but just the thought of it was not something one would endeavor to accomplish. A few laps around the practice field helped me understand that it was more desirable to have my head between my shoulders than it was to have it between my legs.
Cerebral Rectumitis is worse than ADHD. There is no medication that can control it, and no amount of therapy can cure it. It is a chronic disease, one caused not by getting involved, but from declining to face the truth.
It is one thing for a high school freshman to have CRI, quite another for those in positions of authority to be infected. It is a self-inflicted disease, one that tends to make a person oblivious to other matters, resulting in an individual who is less likely to stand up and be counted. Rose Colored Glasses (RCG) are usually a symptom of this mind-eviscerating condition.
Are you infected? Are you a chronic sufferer of CRI? Do you live your life with your head up your butt, unwilling to face the facts about what is really happening in this nation?
Jeff Foxworthy made famous the line “You might be a redneck.” Well let me offer a new phrase, “You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.” Allow me to offer a few symptoms.
If you believe that:
•
The “public schools” teach the values of the public.
• Your public school is not destroying your child’s
faith.
• Abortion has nothing to do with the condition
of this nation.
• Men having sex with other men is normal.
• Religion and politics don’t mix.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe we have been told the full story on:
•
The Kennedy Assassination
• 9-1-1
• The Oklahoma City bombing.
• Waco and Janet Reno.
• FEMA Camps.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe that:
•
Abortion does not kill and unborn baby.
• A fetus is a blob of tissue.
• A woman isn’t haunted by an abortion
for the rest of her life.
• Your tax dollars don’t pay for abortions.
• Planned Parenthood is good for America.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe that President Obama:
•
Has produced a legal birth certificate.
• Is a practicing Christian.
• Puts America first.
• Is well meaning but is just a bumbling fool.
• Never heard Jeremiah Wright preach an America
hating speech.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe that:
•
American soldiers are fighting for “democracy” in the Middle
East.
• Secret societies are merely conspiracy theories.
• Only whites can be racist.
• Poverty has nothing to do with behavior.
• There is a relationship between money spent
and the quality of education.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe that:
•
The people choose the presidential candidates.
• The Federal Reserve is a government agency.
• The judges are unbiased and justice is blind.
• Oil prices aren’t manipulated.
• Your public pension is safe and guaranteed.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe:
•
Your pastor isn’t motivated by money.
• Your denomination is right and everyone else
is wrong.
• God is pro-choice and pro-gay marriage.
• Christians are commanded not to judge.
• The “separation of church and the state”
is in the Constitution.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe that:
•
Islam is a religion of peace.
• Sharia law will never come to America.
• Muslims and Christians worship the same God.
• Our founders envisioned a nation where Jehovah
shared His throne with Allah.
• Islam and Christianity can live together in
peace.
You might have Cerebral Rectumitis.
If you believe that:
•
The recession is almost over.
• Our children won’t suffer for the way
we have behaved.
• Paper money has value and silver and gold do
not.
• The Republicans will save us.
• I am full of crap.
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You might have your head up your butt.
Get your head out of you your butt, America. Change your point of view. Stop thinking that the government is going to make everything alright.
Perhaps the location of your head explains so much stinkin’ thinkin’ passing as truth.
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Do you think like a Christian or a humanist? Did the Founders really separate Church and State? Is Judicial tyranny ruining America? Check out these great teachings by the Coach
� 2011 Dave Daubenmire - All Rights Reserved
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