PART 1 of 3
Here's the reason why!
People grow on you, they also get under your skin. If you don't know what has come over you lately and you are not yourself anymore, you had better read on.
People attach themselves to you by the way you react to them. Slowly but surely, they drain the life out of you. There exists a class of people that cannot exist unless you die to them. Strangely enough, the victim experiences those reactions to the temptation as infusing life energy into (not draining life energy from) himself. This is only an illusion, however. But because of this illusion, few victims will give up what appear to them as only human feelings. Surely you have experienced the feeling of being drained by seemingly nice, but oppressively demanding, people. For some strange reason, your body is unable to say no; and you are unable to deny them any request. Their sickly love fascinates you and you give your all. If it is true that people do live on one another, what is the reason for this? Doesn't everyone have his own life source? The answer is no, we do not!
Let us assume there was a time in your life when you knew what was right. You were fair and honest, and, as long as you held fast to what was highly principled and honorable, the life motivation to act and be was not very far behind. Alas, the day you doubted yourself and believed that the selfish world was right, the moment you were tempted to do what was wrong, you fell away from that gracious way of moving and being and could not get back to where you once were. Your nature adapted and you found yourself obliged to follow where you should not go. You also found that you needed to be motivated like an animal or you could not move. Your identity became a displaced, corrupted one and the body that developed around it became more and more animal than human.
You found yourself needing excitement to grow in the only way you knew how—like a beast. And at the same time, that excitement also helped you to forget the truth of what was happening to you, to save face for your failing pride.
It is clear that most people have never had much choice to be any different from what they are. They arrived in the world surrounded by overwhelming pressures that compelled them to react. If you look very carefully at your emotional reactions, you will see that they represent a failing and a stranglehold on your life. By continuing to react, you edge a little closer to hell and you lose a little more real life while you gain a little more worldly identity with its brutish life. Inside, you are not yourself (the self you were meant to be). You have become something else!
The closest you might have come to the truth is knowing about the way you were. You may remember knowing better but never doing any better. You may remember that long ago you doubted yourself, and then somehow you lost consciousness. For years you were cut off from Reality, wandering through life in a dream state. But now the pain of this aimlessness is bringing you back to the truth you left behind.
A person who does not have a life centered in Reality is compelled to drain the emotions of friends and enemies. Such an egocentric soul needs friends as well as enemies to fulfill his craving for life. A craving for vitality begins at the ego level and goes on to express itself in a variety of destructive ways. As long as you need people, you will hurt or be hurt by friends and lovers. You will also compel enemies to go on being the enemies you need to support your failing state.
Before the time of Grace, we obtain energy through many different debilitating love-hate relationships. Our ego thrives on environments of war and intrigue. Hoodlums degrade hapless victims and each other for "kicks." Over¬bearing parents and teachers do it to the children, who inherit the know-how to degrade one another to retrieve the life taken by those mindless and devastated authorities.
When you respond in a wrong way to intimidation, you lose some of your life essence and at the same time you become initiated to worldliness. You become just like the people who "get to you." A social chain gang is formed—the big sinner preys on the weakness of the little sinner, who in turn lives at the expense of a lesser sinner, all the way down to babies and other defenseless persons. All of us have someone we can lord it over. Feeling secure and fulfilled from them, we can forget the painful fact that we are a victim ourselves.
You are probably unaware that your corrupted nature has acquired certain annoying patterns and mannerisms, quirks of behavior that are unconsciously timed to siphon the life out of those around you. Sarcasm, the tone or timbre of your voice could do the trick. If you say one thing but mean another, that upsets people—and their upset can make you feel good. Impatience and nagging are common ways of getting high on people, the high being derived from the response and confusion of your victim. Excite others to be ambitious and you get their energy. Shock, embarrass and push your way in, ignore propriety and protocol and here again you can drain the life out of people and control them.
Perhaps you have experienced the draining power of a sick person. The state of being very nervous and drained of energy can cause accelerated "movements" similar to the old time Keystone Cop movies. A hyper-excitable state excites others unnaturally and, without realizing it, they surrender their energies—which can make you feel very much alive in the process of destroying them. Entertainers and the so-called "beautiful people" exist on energies elicited by their instant approval of the masses. They provide a better self-image in exchange for money and emotional life. Look out for your own private charming personality; you would do well to remember the origin of the word "persona"—it means "mask."
It is commonplace to be involved with personalities who, after giving us goals and feelings of worth, steal us blind. The tempter who aggravates the life out of you and the personality who gives you a better image of yourself are from the same source, they both enslave you to them. Resentment toward your master or idol always makes you a two-time loser. Either way, upset or put-on, you are leaking a precious vitality that somehow gratifies the tempter and makes him feel smug, strong and secure.
The anxiety and guilt you feel for responding compels you to behave in one of two ways. You take it out of others, you force the innocent to become guilty, you make them react to extract the same satisfactions as those who still lord it over you. The alternative to this is to seek solace in someone or something, in which case you go on losing without realizing the truth about it. Either way, a false confidence is obtained. If you take it out on people, you develop an animal type of aggressiveness, a vicious strength that becomes dependent upon violating others for kicks. On the other hand, if you are inclined to go the solace route, your benefit is one of illusion rather than power and, before you realize it, you will have traded some more of your energies for it.
With the help of companions and things such as drugs and drink, the loser experiences a growing fear of facing life that drives him back to the tempter/comforter for assurance. Every time you lean toward ego reassurance, the pain of that need—as well as the excitement that cures it—prevents your being aware of the payment you must make. Your friends attach themselves to you to become a sort of psychic vampire. Because of their own involvement with you, it is difficult for them to realize the role you oblige them to play.
For example, suppose that you are very close to your mother. You may believe her to be an angel from heaven who loves you very much, yet in some mysterious fashion her love makes you very fearful of facing life without her. If this is the case, you can be sure she is living from you, providing you with doses of self-image and false confidence that all is well only as long as you remain close to her.
If you cannot speak up to your "friends" it is because they have offered themselves to your ego. The false belief you have in yourself, the license for a wrong way of life has made them a base for your existence. You have given them power to give you that "freedom." To hold on to a sense of certainty about your life style, you are compelled to go on giving them power to lie to you, as dictators do with people. When they begin taking liberties, you are dumbfounded—even then you find yourself going along with them for the sake of the illusion you need from them. Without the ego support, you feel the terror of facing the truth about yourself and, the longer you delay, the harder it becomes to give them up. A politician cannot be honest with people for fear of losing his power.
The love or hatred for your lord and master, be he a good one or bad one, drains you dry. Therefore, it is first wise to give up your resentment toward him and then your unrecognized "use" of the tempter—in that order.
It often happens that, when you discover that you have been taken, you may try to get ahead of their use of you by using them for all they are worth. While you are using them, you are so high on either love or hate, that for a brief spell you are unable to realize who is really going to end up with the greater "advantage." As the loser, the illusion is all you can hope to gain.
Trying to get even, you burn with resentment—but it is only a booby prize compared with the purring, contented contempt your underworld lover feels for you. You see, all that secret resentment ever does for you is to pump you with an imagined superiority. It is the kind of judgment losers and weaklings enjoy against people who are much too powerful or charming to conquer. You simply form these secret judgments against your lord and master, which he usually knows nothing about. That secret judgment goes on giving them power—which you are compelled to do anyway—so that the net result is that your master becomes much more wicked. This feeds your judgment, making you think that you are secretly superior to him.
You could cover your resentment with a facade of pretentious love so they cannot suspect what you are up to. With the energies you are obliged to give, you drive them out of their skull with all manner of violence and wickedness they can't see as wrong. You can drive them to insanity, suicide or a criminal act—but then you will have conquered your master; for he is sick, dead, locked up, no longer lording it over you. Now it is your turn to lord it over him, or you are free to form new relationships, and the whole business of using and winding up being abused begins again. One moment you are in the driver's seat, the next moment you find yourself going along for the ride. Some of us are able to switch roles while the rest of us go through life as repeat or serial losers or "winners."
Let me cite you a classic example of a common, true-to-life home situation, where the corrupter is King and where the loser—the husband in this case—is destroyed by a guileful wife.
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He would not have married her were it not for the age-old weakness men have for a beautiful woman's assurance to boost their male ego. In the course of time, his wife's love began to bring out the worst from him. In this case, in order to compensate for his loss of masculine authority to her, he became overbearing, violent and cruel. In contrast, she began to appear kinder than he was and, after he had cooled down and felt guilty for his behavior, she would welcome his need for her. She would comfort him in his failing and with her guileful love, make a bigger beast of him. For part two click below.
[A special form of emotional self-control is the key to relating properly to yourself and to the world. Your very life depends on your responding in a right way to what is wrong with you, so that it cannot get or remain inside and rip you apart. To put up an invisible, impenetrable force shield of calm patience around you, you must learn to deal properly, without resentment, to pressures of any kind. The audio exercises on my new credit-card-sized Cure Stress Device audio player show you how to do this —and help you practice remaining in the proper state. To get your own Cure Stress Device, either CLICK HERE, or call 1-855-287-3787 (1-855-CURESTRESS) during West Coast business hours M-F, or go to http://CureStress.info on the Internet.]
Listen to Roy Masters LIVE call in radio show Monday to Friday from 9 PM to 11 PM Pacific on KDWN Radio in Las Vegas, NV.
© 2012 Roy Masters - All Rights Reserved
Roy Masters—who in his 80s continues to broadcast the longest-running counseling show in talk radio history, his internationally syndicated daily radio program Advice Line, grew up in pre-WWII England. He started his journey toward understanding human nature when as a teen he saw a stage hypnotist at a vaudeville show in Brighton. The hypnotist easily put volunteer subjects in a spell and made them do outlandish things, like dancing with a broom and forgetting their own names.
Puzzled by the hypnotist’s mysterious power, Roy distinctly remembers pondering the question: “Why can’t hypnotism be used to make people act sensibly, rather than foolishly?” Inspired by the idea of harnessing this baffling force for good, he later pursued the art of hypnotism and established a successful hypnotherapy practice.
After several years of practice, Masters made his central and pivotal discovery about the root of people’s emotional problems, addictions and complexes. He realized that people did not need hypnosis, because their core problem was that they are already hypnotized—not by a clever stage performer, but by the stresses, pressures and seductions of daily life.
He used his knowledge to discover a way to help us become de-hypnotized, and discovered that the root of the power of negative suggestion lay in our wrong emotional response, that of resentment. Masters’ remarkably effective exercise, a simple observation technique called Be Still and Know—is at the core of his unmatched track record in helping people overcome even the most serious mental-emotional problems, and is the centerpiece of a successful program within the U.S. military community (“Patriot Outreach”) that is helping thousands of military personnel and their families cope with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).