by Marc H. Rudov
March 23, 2009
Oprah Winfrey is increasing domestic violence in America. By being Harpo — remaining silent — on the truth about violent women, she unwittingly perpetuates the problem. Repeatedly excusing women’s culpability and unfairly blaming men only serves to foment this pernicious societal scourge.
On March 19, 2009, Oprah aired an anti-male show about domestic violence (DV), to capitalize on the biggest news story: Rihanna. Oprah holds men totally responsible for both causing and ending DV. Outrageous! Nowhere on her show was mention of all-too-common incidents of female violence such as those involving actress Kelly Bensimon and NFL player Geno Hayes.
Instead, Oprah stridently cautioned her female audience: If he hits, he’ll hit again. Fair enough. Missing from her mantra, though, was: Never hit a man — out of anger, revenge, jealousy, hormone imbalance, or any reason whatsoever! Also absent from Oprah’s show was a reciprocal warning to men: If she hits, she’ll hit again.
Acceptable Marginalization of Men
Why is the DV situation so unfair & unbalanced? Americans — especially male citizens, talkshow hosts, journalists, politicians, and judges — not only trivialize female-on-male violence, they laugh at it.
To wit: In a Saturday Night Live skit (from 02.24.01), Katie Holmes repeatedly whacks Will Farrell in the crotch. In the photo below (click to watch videoclip), Chris Parnell, playing the director, instructs Holmes in how best to grab and twist Farrell’s testicles.
Consequences? Acceptable marginalization of men leads children to disrespect them, women to hurt them — with impunity — and courts to unfairly prosecute them.
Report from the Street
I hear frequently from cops all over the country who tell me that my articles don’t begin to cover the truth about widespread and unreported female-on-male violence. One particular officer writes to me almost every week about another incident. His latest:
I recently arrested a gal for hitting her boyfriend (no politically correct woman-is-victim crap). She left the crime scene, and he called my department. Upon my arrival at the scene, this guy approached my patrol car. At a minimum, he was 6'7? and had a bloody nose. We arrested her at her parents’ apartment across the street, after a short struggle and strong denial of any wrongdoing.
On the way to the police station, I had to restrain her against the inside of the passenger door of my patrol car (I had a cageless car). So, I requested more officers, and we had to walk her the rest of the way to the police department.
She demanded that I call the bar, where they were before the altercation, to ask the bartender about her boyfriend’s abuse … yadda, yadda, yadda. The bartender reported nothing abusive about her boyfriend and only remembered them arguing. The more lies I caught her in, the more she denied culpability — using a foul mouth.
Even though her boyfriend is large in stature, he’s a wimp. No brighter than she, but undeserving of being abused.
Ultimately, the trial was vacated. I kinda wanted to see what angle she would use to defend herself in court, because none of her alibis confirmed her version of the story, as I indicated in my report. That’s probably why she didn’t want to go to court.
A lot of officers don’t put the full details in their reports, which can help convict DV culprits — male or female. But, the details are especially important when the alleged culprit is a female, because she’ll show up on her best behavior, in conservative attire, and easily fool judges and juries.
The Real Cycle of Violence
Problems are fixed only when their root causes are exposed and addressed — not ignored, distorted, or deflected to others. That’s what happens in Washington, and why Washington solves nothing. Domestic violence is a growing problem because people are in denial about its female roots.
Anyone who condones, denies, trivializes, or laughs at female-on-male violence is responsible for encouraging, enabling, and perpetuating it. If you plead guilty to this, Oprah just assuaged your guilt. Worse, she gave mainstream media the green light to continue misreporting DV statistics. This is the real cycle of violence.
Oprah Winfrey, because of her power and passion and influence, is in a unique position to educate millions around the world about the truth: women cause up to 70% of domestic violence and must not be given a pass.
But, instead of empowering women, by exhorting them to become accountable and responsible for their violence, Oprah disempowers and victimizes them by unilaterally blaming men for the entire matter.
Oprah validates people who believe a man never should touch a woman, no matter what she does to him. Implicit in this belief is a woman’s right to assault and hit men, for any reason she chooses, and I don’t hear Oprah protesting that insanity.
We Are Now a Woman’s Nation
What makes women think they’re more important and valuable than men? That’s easy: men, through their words and actions, constantly put women on pedestals. Wait a minute … what about that so-called feminist quest for equality?
Let’s get real. Women never wanted equality; they always wanted superiority and knew that spineless men would deliver it. Men, as they are wont to do, have come through with flying colors, sowing their own demise in the process.
So, America is now a gynocracy, Barack Obama has created the unconstitutional Council on Women and Girls, and Maria Shriver rightly proclaimed that “We are now a woman’s nation.” A symptom of being a “woman’s nation” is blaming men for all female behavior. Duh.
The NoNonsense Bottom Line
Victimhood mentality is the antithesis of equality — an emotional prison that stunts growth. Women must own up to their violence. Men and women must be equally prosecuted for hitting and hurting each other; that should have been Oprah’s message on March 19th. It wasn’t. Instead, Oprah cemented hidebound — and inaccurate — thinking.
If Oprah really wants to end DV, she’ll tell women to stop it — in the same breath that she tells men to stop it. Moreover, she’ll scold her TV colleagues for putting anything on the air that trashes and injures men for comic relief.
Oprah aims to help women, but acting like Harpo on female violence ultimately hurts them — by persuading them to choose victimhood. Oprah’s success was possible only because she never chose victimhood. It’s time for her to end the double standard.
© 2009 - Marc H. Rudov - All Rights Reserved
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Marc H. Rudov is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach, and author of 100+ articles and the books Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables (ISBN 9780974501727) and The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth (ISBN 0974501719). Mr. Rudov, the 2008 recipient of the National Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence In Promoting Gender Fairness In The Media,” is a frequent guest on Fox News Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto and The O’Reilly Factor.
Rudov’s books, articles, blog, and podcasts are available at TheNoNonsenseMan.com.
Radio Show: TheMarcRudovShow