WHY DID SHE CHOOSE YOU?
by Marc H. Rudov
April 21, 2008
Ask your woman why she chose a Louis Vuitton bag or Manolo Blahnik shoes. She’ll talk endlessly and enthusiastically about these possessions. Impressive, huh? Has she told you, to your face, with similar enthusiasm, why she chose you? If not, there are three possible reasons, each unacceptable: 1) you never asked her; 2) she doesn’t adore you; 3) she’s guarded and unexpressive. Whatever the case, your relationship is already dead and headed for dissolution.
If you continue this relationship, however, without hearing her glowing testimonial about you, do so at your peril — and prepare for her scathing testimony about you in court. By the way, if you fail to communicate likewise to her, you are just as culpable for your eventual breakup. Being able to talk ad nauseam about why you love fishing or hunting or football, while unable to express specifically why you’re living with or married to her, is a HUGE red flag.
Lack of conviction and inability to communicate it are two harbingers of failure — in politics, in relationships, in business. One of my most searing political memories is from November 4, 1979, three days before Senator Ted Kennedy officially announced his candidacy for the 1980 Democratic presidential nomination. On that pivotal night, CBS News correspondent Roger Mudd asked him why he wanted to be president. Kennedy, shocked by Mudd’s insightful question, stumbled, fumbled, and uttered a convictionless, passionless policy-speak response, precipitating a sharp decline in his popularity. Jimmy Carter ultimately defeated him 50%-38%. Kennedy really didn’t want to be president, and it was obvious.
Marriage in America is an institution in decline: divorce continues to ravage parents (especially fathers) and children; for the first time in history, only 49% of women are married; and the ever-climbing out-of-wedlock birthrate now averages 40%. Why is this? First, family law encourages acrimony and single-mother households. Second, misandrist feminists like Rosanna Hertz condone and celebrate fatherless homes. Third, men and women join forces for all the wrong reasons and can’t even explain why they’re together. It’s dumbfounding. If you don’t believe me, ask your best buddy why he’s with his current girlfriend or wife. You’ll be amazed at his answer. Or, maybe you won’t be.
Last week, singer Enrique Iglesias announced to the press that, for at least three years, he’s been with girlfriend Anna Kournikova, who has ignored his countless marriage proposals. Says Iglesias about his unrequited attempts to betroth Anna: “I always try, but she pays me no attention.” Ignoring him is abusive, disrespectful behavior: she owes him an answer, one way or the other. But, his tolerance of her abuse and disrespect is proof that he has no self-esteem. Why on earth are these people together? And, what keeps them together? Besides unhealthy inertia and individual self-loathing, I haven’t a clue. Yet, you may identify with their dysfunctional dynamic and wonder why it’s a problem. If so, you need serious help.
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The NoNonsense Bottom Line
Become Roger Mudd: Get to the “heart” of your relationship; determine why your woman wants to be with you. Ask her this simple, revealing question: Why did you choose me? If she’s not as obviously excited, animated, passionate, specific, and forthcoming about you as she is about her new shoes, give her the boot.
© 2008 - Marc H. Rudov - All Rights Reserved