They’re Going to Make Us… Happy?
Let’s face it, there’s a lot of unhappiness in the world. But now, at long last, the United Nations is going to do something about it.
Last month at the World Government Summit in Dubai, Real Smart Globalists launched (trumpet fanfare) the World Happiness Council, dedicated to making the whole world happy. It will be funded mostly by the UN, which means mostly by the defenseless American taxpayer. And it will make us happy whether we want it or not. As Sheikh Somebody said, “The role of governments is to bring happiness to their peoples.”
No, this is not a satire.
Seated on the 12-creature board of the World Happiness Council will be some Western college professors, a few Muslim bigwigs, and a former Bulgarian communist jailer—all experts in the art of making people happy, or else. You’d think it might be a thankless task, but you’d be wrong. The world is already moving in the direction of universal happiness through various forms of—well, what they always rely on: strict coercion.
Universal happiness is going to climax with the grand-daddy of all leftid pipe dreams, the Universal Basic Income—free money doled out to people, no strings attached, just for existing. It’s an idea that really picked up a lot of steam, for some reason we can’t possibly imagine, during the Obama era. Hey, soon robots are gonna be doing all the work, anyway, so why not pay everybody for sitting around playing video games?
But before everybody in the world can enter a life of uninterrupted leisure, something has to be done about making them happy while they still have to—ugh!—work. A Swedish company has found the answer to that question: compulsory exercise. Every Friday, all the employees must go to the gym for compulsory yoga.
How compulsory? As the company president explains, “If you don’t want to exercise or be part of the company culture, you have to go.” ‘Cause exercise makes you happy, see, and everybody doing the same thing at the same time, all in the bosom of the company culture, is what leftids call diversity. And it’s something to do while waiting for the Universal Basic Income to kick in.
Throughout history, disease and injury have led to much unhappiness. So from now on, disease and injury must be avoided—especially by children. A happy world has happy children.
The principal of a little school in East London understands this. Faced with a Global Warming snowstorm of epic proportions this month, he issued a decree forbidding the kiddies to “touch snow”. A whole playground covered with the gorgeous white stuff, and the kids can’t even touch it. No snowmen, no snow-forts, and certainly no snowball fights! Just a little piece of ice or a tiny chunk of gravel in the snowball, and boom! You’ve knocked somebody’s eye out, and the school gets sued. “If they can’t touch it, they can’t throw it,” says the principal.
What? Not being allowed to play with the snow will make children unhappy? Pshaw. Just double up on the Gender Education classes, and they’ll forget all about the snow. Besides, the Authorities always know best. That’s what world government’s all about, isn’t it?
There are all sorts of schemes afoot for guaranteeing human happiness. All it needs is for some world government to organize it.
It comes down to doing God’s job for Him, entrusting it to The World’s Smartest People, who know so much better than we do, what makes us happy, healthy, and if not wise, at least contented.
And if you’re still not happy, after all is said and done, they can always flog you till you finally cheer up.
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