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By Lee Duigon
October 22, 2015
NewsWithViews.com

Free will is messy—especially other people’s free will. It’s so annoying, when you know what’s best for them, and you’re kind enough to tell them so, and they still won’t listen to you. Really, it would be so much nicer all around, so much more efficient, if the common people didn’t have free will. I mean, they’d be so much better off…

This is how a Progressive sings the blues. It must be maddening, to know how to steer the world to Utopia and not be able to do it because those poor dumb dopes out there bitterly cling to their religion and their guns, not to mention their primitive, xenophobic politics.

But help is on the way! As usual, Science has provided the solution. It always does, you know.

Last week scientists in the United Kingdom announced that they could dramatically reduce, or even erase, a human being’s religious beliefs, simply by bombarding the brain with powerful magnetic impulses that don’t exist in nature. As a bonus, they found that the same procedure also made their test subjects much more accepting of “immigration.”

Does this prove that atheism and liberal politics are merely evidence of brain damage? To refute that claim, we invoke Science’s most potent counter-argument: “Shut up!”

I image this high-tech procedure can be very costly, even if it really does make the subject’s mind right and offers a reliable means of dealing with free will. It’s early days, though, so we don’t know yet if the “treatment”—they propose to “treat” religious belief, which their own humanist religion classifies as mental illness—is reversible. Might the subject’s faith pop up again someday? Might he sue the scientists to get it back, or compensate him for its loss? Things could get awkward.

But where Science falters, coercion must carry the ball.

Here in America, professors at Cornell University have proposed a cheaper, simpler way of dealing with free will. They say the university should just have a policy of never hiring Republicans.

As it is, 96 percent of the Cornell faculty contribute money to the Democrat Party. Only 4 percent of the faculty fail to do that. In the interest of Diversity, that pesky 4 percent must be weeded out, to create a faculty that’s a full 100 percent Democrat.

Who needs expensive super-magnets, when you can just crush dissenters by denying them a livelihood?

The professors—to wit, a professor of English and a professor of “government”—say this is necessary because Republicans are “anti-science.” Republicans are heretics. They also argue that professors in a university shouldn’t be obliged to present to their students every inane and stupid opinion on the spectrum. They have enough to do, presenting just one inane and stupid opinion every day.

Of course the answer is to hitch up Science and Coercion like a team of oxen and have them pull together. Science and Coercion together will surely be strong enough to haul the balky, stubborn human race all the way to Utopia.

So far, the achievement of the scientific socialist paradise has been hindered not only by free will and the Christian religion, but by the bad name acquired by early methods of doing so—firing squads, concentration camps, forced labor, etc. This perverse world simply wasn’t ready for such methods. So now the progressive thinkers among us are forced to propose a kinder, gentler highway to Utopia. No more rough stuff. When you have to break that many eggs to make your omelet, your hands get dirty. Super-magnets and enlightened hiring policies are so much cleaner.

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If it’s demonstrated that technology can be used to take certain things out of the human mind, will we not soon discover high-tech methods of putting other things in? With that accomplished, the obstacle of free will is removed altogether, and it’ll be smooth sailing for Progressivism from then on.

There is nothing to fear: “For we have made a covenant with death, and with hell are we at agreement” (Isaiah 28:15). With enough magnetic re-education clinics in operation, every man, woman, and child will carry, in the brain itself, the indelible mark of humanism. The fact that this is profoundly anti-human will trouble no college professor worthy of his tenure.

To find out what will happen next, consult the Book of Revelation.