Alan Stang -- Michele Bachmann And the Death of the Dollar

MICHELE BACHMANN AND THE DEATH OF THE DOLLAR

by Alan Stang
April 2, 2009
NewsWithViews.com

In Memory of Alan Stang:

Until recently, I may have heard of Michele Bachmann, but I wasn’t sure who she was. When I finally did see her in action the other day, in a congressional hearing, I felt a thrill run up my leg. I don’t know how it compared to the thrill that runs up the leg of Chris Matthews, the media degenerate who hosts “No Ball,” when he sees illegal alien Mr. Big Ears.

My thrill began at my big toe, kerbobbled for a moment at my ankle, then ran up my leg to the knee, where it kerbobbled again, and did not stop until it reached my hip. There it reversed course, stopped at the same places to kerbobble again and finally left at the big toe, where the adventure had begun.

Needless to say, a thrill runs up my leg whenever I see the Love Priestess, so I consulted with her, not sure what was happening. She went to her monitor, took a gander at Michele in action, and said she would have no problem were a Bachmann thrill to run up both my legs. But since then I have experienced the phenomenon only in the original leg, which may harbor a weakness for the lady.

But I was still disoriented. When I first tuned into the now historic sound bite, I did not for a while understand that a Member of Congress was speaking, not just because she looked so good, but because Mrs. Bachmann did not appear to be a predatory bull dyke in a pants suit, which I had thought was mandatory for membership.

By the way, allow me to digress for a moment. As you know, I believe that the Democrud and Republicrud Parties are both legs on the same bug. They are both tools and extrusions of the conspiracy for world government. One is worse than the other. Indeed, yet again, the Republicruds could be even more dangerous because of the phony façade of normalcy they put forth. Regular readers know they are overrun with sodomy. See my book, Not Holier Than Thou.

But impartial observers must admit there is a basic difference between Republicrud and Democrud women. Let’s face it, the latter are just howling ugly. Remember Bella Abzug? Why did she always wear a hat? Because her head came to a point. I saw that myself, sitting in the House gallery. She was on the floor where there is a rule against hats.

I don’t believe I need to say anything about Barbara Mikulski, except that however vehement is your rejection of Darwin, it will be sorely tested at the sight. We don’t really know what the original Madam Peelousy looked like. Her real face disappeared several surgeries ago. And there is the unindicted felon radio sissy Mark Levin calls “her Thighness.”

These are just a few examples. You have seen them yourselves, strutting on stage at Democrud events, in pants suits and heels, like preening bull dykes. Their grooming is inadequate, their hair a horror; they don’t want to project femininity because they are not real women; they are womanoids innately hostile to real women. Have they confronted Mrs. Bachmann in the ladies’?

If you are visiting these columns for the first time, a womanoid is a creature that shares some of the superficial characteristics of the true woman – it tends to present a more prominent forecastle and afterdeck – but it isn’t really a woman. A womanoid is to a woman as a humanoid is to a human.

On the other hand, your typical Republicrud woman is comfortable being a woman. She is beautifully groomed and dressed. Indeed, she wears hose and a dress. You younger people may not know what a dress is; or you may have heard of it but never seen one. A dress was a garment the female of the species used to wear before the revolution. Imagine a tee shirt long enough to reach below the knee, tailored to complement and compliment the figure.

That is correct. It had no legs. You can see dresses on display in old movies. Because all that cultural foundation is lost, so is the significance of comedic genius Steve Martin’s classic soliloquy, “What I Believe.” Younger people are incapable of comprehending the master’s opening lines: “I believe a woman should be put on a pedestal. High. So high, that I can look up her dress.”

The problem is that most Republicrud women have quiche for brains. Because they value their lives in social events, they have a horror of accidentally stepping out of line. They worship the Party. If the Party decrees that they work their afterdecks off for a Republicrud jackass, they will do so. They did so for el senador Juan McCrud, the Arizona slug, who reminds me of Dorothy Parker’s famous quip when they told her President Coolidge was dead: “How do they know?”

Except Michele Bachmann. Yes, she looks like that. She may even have been wearing a dress during the historic confrontation. She was sitting down, so I don’t know. But according to various Obamatron sources, she “gives voice to the right’s darkest impulses.” She represents the district of “Outer Wingnuttia.” She is “still crazy.” Someone threw up in a ladies room and it could have been Michele, who could have been drunk. She wants the people of Minnesota “armed and dangerous.” Yee Haa! Do it!

Indeed, now we’re getting serious, Michele Bachmann “channels Joe McCarthy.” McCarthy was of course a consummate American hero, and Michele “channels” him, whatever that means. I don’t know whether she can hit anything with a widow maker, but, as you can see, she makes Sarah What’s Her Name look like a sissy. Indeed, here is the essential fact. During the recent campaign, the Republicrud Party withdrew its support for her and pulled its ads. She won anyway.

I also like the fact that Michele is married – to a man. They have a mental health care business that employs forty two people, so she has more executive experience than illegal alien impostor Also Known As. They have five children. They have also taken in twenty three foster children.

Okay, so here she is at the historic confrontation. She is a member of the House Financial Services Committee. She is interrogating international swindlers Little Timmy Geithner, pretend Secretary of the Treasury and “Helicopter” Ben Bernanke, chairman of the non-Federal non-Reserve System. This I know you will find hard to believe, but she speaks without a teleprompter. Don’t believe me? See for yourself on You Tube.

She is a tax attorney, but, as she cut these two smirking mountebanks into uniform chunks of smoking stench, I could not help but think of a surgeon. She kept asking them to cite the constitutional authority for each of their actions. Of course they couldn’t do so. They stumbled. Ben refused to say where the money had gone. The farce ended when her time expired and the committee chairman would not allow Little Timmy to say how much money the Treasury would get back from the anonymous banks it had bailed.

The committee chairman is of course Barney the Bugger Frank, whose roommate, a felon, was running an illegal sodomite buggery business out of Barney’s home. Barney argued that he “didn’t know” about the buggery business, but the Democrud House formally reprimanded him. Another of Barney’s buggery mates, whom Barney introduced as his “wife,” was a top official of Fannie Mae, when it was perpetrating the present housing disaster. Massachusetts morons keep electing Barney, who kept saying nothing was wrong.

The most important part of the brief confrontation was the fact that Mrs. Bachmann forced both Geithner and Bernanke to pledge “unequivocally” that they would oppose any attempt to replace the dollar with an international monetary unit, as proposed for instance, by Communist-occupied China. The next day, apparently at the Marxist Council on Foreign Relations, liar Geithner said he was open to the idea. The death of the dollar would of course mean the end of the United States.

Because unindicted financial terrorist Geithner lied, Mrs. Michele has introduced legislation that would forbid the U.S. government to dump the dollar. She is also one of the co-sponsors of Dr. Ron Paul’s proposal that the non-Federal non-Reserve System be subjected for the first time to an outside audit.

Even the Democruds can’t argue with this because one of the themes of the Big Ears administration is a demand for “transparency” in government. As I write, there are already fifty co-sponsors, an unusual situation for Dr. Paul, who is often outvoted 434-1. An outside audit would for the first time tell us what this illegal, criminal conspiracy is doing.

Prospects for passage are therefore good, especially since we now know for sure that Dr. Paul is not a terrorist. I first met Ron about thirty years ago, in the office of my dear friend, Dr. Larry McDonald, the Democrat Member of Congress from Georgia’s Seventh District, who to the best of our speculation was kidnapped by the Soviets on September 1st, 1983, when they forced KAL Flight 007 to land.

In those days Ron never showed any hints of potential terrorism, perhaps because of his avuncular personality. Despite which I feared I could be implicated after the Missouri report hit the street because I have since been with Dr. Paul so many times at so many different events and have even introduced him once or twice.

Indeed, then came the revelation that there was a Ron Paul bumper sticker on his car, which Dr. Paul admitted himself under interrogation on television. You may have seen that yourself. We don’t know who put the bumper sticker there, but the report the Missouri knuckleheads published at the behest of Homeland Security clearly said that bumper stickers could be a telltale indication of potential terrorism.

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It was a tense couple of weeks. Thank God they are over. Tell your Member of Congress that he or she can now come aboard Dr. Paul’s proposal with impunity and at the same time make brownie points with Mr. Big Ears. He must have meant what he said when he called for “transparency,” except we do know his ears grow whenever he lies.

And remember, real men rock with crazy Michele.

Alan Stang was one of Mike Wallace�s original writers at Channel 13 in New York, where he wrote some of the scripts that sent Mike to CBS. Stang has been a radio talk show host himself. In Los Angeles, he went head to head nightly with Larry King, and, according to Arbitron, had almost twice as many listeners. He has been a foreign correspondent. He has written hundreds of feature magazine articles in national magazines and some fifteen books, for which he has won many awards, including a citation from the Pennsylvania House of Representatives for journalistic excellence. One of Stang�s expos�s stopped a criminal attempt to seize control of New Mexico, where a gang seized a court house, held a judge hostage and killed a deputy. The scheme was close to success before Stang intervened. Another Stang expos� inspired major reforms in federal labor legislation.

His first book, It�s Very Simple: The True Story of Civil Rights, was an instant best-seller. His first novel, The Highest Virtue, set in the Russian Revolution, won smashing reviews and five stars, top rating, from the West Coast Review of Books, which gave five stars in only one per cent of its reviews.

Stang has lectured in every American state and around the world and has guested on many top shows, including CNN�s Cross Fire. Because he and his wife had the most kids in Santo Domingo, the Dominican Republic, where they lived at the time, the entire family was chosen to be actors in �Havana,� directed by Sydney Pollack and starring Robert Redford, the most expensive movie ever made (at the time). Alan Stang is the man in the ridiculous Harry Truman shirt with the pasted-down hair. He says they made him do it.