The Modern Little Red Hen

Once upon a time, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered some grains of wheat. She called her neighbors and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Not I," said the pig.

"Not I, said the goose.

"Then I will," said the little red hen. And she did. The wheat grew tall and ripened into golden grain. "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Out of my classification," said the pig.

"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.

"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will," said the little red hen, and she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be too much work," said the cow.

"I'd lose my welfare benefits" said the duck.

"I'm a public school graduate and never learned to read," said the pig.

"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

"Then I will," said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and held them up for her neighbors to see.

They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen

said, 'No, I can eat the five loaves by myself."

"Selfish!" cried the cow.

"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.

"I demand equal rights! Or, I'll Call The ACLU" yelled the goose.

We'll sue, yelled the pig, a biased judge without the proper constitutional oath will see our way. And they painted "unfair" and "selfish" on their picket signs and marched round and round the little red hen shouting obscenities.

When the cops with the government facilitator came, they said to the little red hen, "You must do consensus. Volunteer to give 50% or go to jail.

I earned that bread, this is wrong said the little red hen.

Doesn't matter, said the agent, the law is the law. In today's modern world there is no such thing as right or wrong, everything is relevant. Government must collect taxes, there is hunger out there. We're compassioned and must provide soup kitchens and welfare for the needy.

And they lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who keeps working and baking bread. Next time, the agent come for 60% of her bread. The increase was necessary said the agent, there is more hunger.