When my husband and I got married, we had both come from failed marriages and dysfunctional homes. We made a commitment to one another that we were going to go this round totally sold out to God’s leadership for our lives and our family. He came from a divorced and secular family, and I came from highly dysfunctional roots, also secular, with some feigning of religion.
It didn’t take long for extended family members to express their discontent on our parenting decisions.
We tried to placate the objections and “concerns”. We tried to explain some of our decisions. Eventually, though, we just had to ignore the opposition and reassert our focus on seeking God’s wisdom for how to raise our family. This did not set well with some family members, and there was even a painful confrontation from a grandparent at one time who angrily declared we were ruining our children, and they would grow up to hate us and reject our standards. There was almost ten years where there was very little external family interaction. In fact, our children don’t really know any grandparents, and precious few other “family” members.
There were seasons of loneliness and doubts. It came at a cost.
Today our children are grown. They are quite successful in their endeavors, and have each been recognized for various achievements, skills and abilities. Beyond that, and more importantly, they are compassionate young adults who love God and people. They each have a desire to serve others in very different ways, and they love one another deeply. Our family is intact and happy and thriving.
In fact, the same grandparent who asserted our forthcoming failures, pulled me aside a few years ago and said that although she had her doubts and thought I was a terrible mother, our kids had sure turned out and were remarkable young adults.
The truth is, we didn’t have the time or energy to fight the battles with our extended family AND raise our children successfully at the same time. Three of our kids are fifteen months apart, so I was dealing with three toddlers, three adolescents, three teenagers… all at the same time – with three very different personalities and all that goes with that.
My desire to nurture, instruct and mold my children into their God-given identities outweighed my desire to be liked or even understood by extended family. (And I could have used family. I didn’t come with my own.) Today we have a nurse, an (upcoming) school psychologist, an (upcoming) policeman, and an artist contributing to society and I pray also glorifying their Creator. Most of those who didn’t understand what we were doing can see the outcome of what we did, but I do not think even now understand the dynamics it took to accomplish that. (Yes, with plenty of failures along the way.)
Events on the national scene are kind of like that.
My husband and I had to break cycles of poverty, rejection, abuse, addiction, divorce, mental illness and a lot of lesser evils off of our family. We had long seasons of digging in the trenches in the Word of God, prayer and obedience to things the Lord led us to do. No one understood what we were doing or why. In fact, few even saw that the legacies each of us had acquired were debilitating for health in the long run. If we wanted our children to have a fair start and a solid foundation, we had to break those cycles. We had to start in ourselves, and then apply them to our children.
My kids are all adults now, and I tell them every so often: I know drinking is fun, but alcoholism runs in your family. Once you cross over that line, there’s no more fun. It’s a battle for the rest of your lives. Control your impulses. Set limits and safety guards to keep you from crossing lines.
We laid a foundation of faith in God, of reading His Word, of using it to guide your life. Our prayer is that they own their faith. That they have seen lives apathetic to God and lives walking with God and know the difference. We went over twelve years learning how to pray for physical healing instead of conventional medicine. We pray that if they find themselves in an impossible situation, that because they have seen God work supernaturally they are able to fully rely on Him.
The grandparents and aunts and uncles who were so put off by our methods, most likely do not know the various obstacles and things hidden in the history of our family that had to be overcome in order to succeed. They maybe didn’t know there were damaging habits, thoughts and tendencies that had to be addressed, removed, and/or learned in order to circumvent or defeat them.
Because our family had very real and very serious issues of poverty cycles, mental illness, addictions, rejection/abandonment/divorce histories, etc., we had to first identify how unhealthy these were. Then we had to determine what in our bloodlines lent to the same patterns and habits in us. We had to remove them in ourselves, and then help our children identify them to remove or overcome them. Family members who hadn’t recognized the dysfunction of their own thoughts, attitudes or behaviors, ranged from misunderstanding to opposing us. They couldn’t see the unhealthy consequences of lives riddled with these encumbrances.
It would have been easier at times to have explained to an extended family member that she was controlling and manipulative, and her interactions with others were unhealthy, but she couldn’t see it in herself. Another member had addictions that led to immorality which had caused unhealthy and painful circumstances in her life, and those inevitably seep into others’ lives that touch hers. There was baggage in the bloodline that led to anger issues, and anger unresolved just leads to damage. There just wasn’t a solid understanding of how dysfunction had created unhealthy thinking, lifestyle choices and habits. So for us to address them was futile. We could only address it at the level we could control it: in our home.
To do that, we identified obstacles within ourselves and were honest about them. I had serious anger issues from a highly dysfunctional childhood. I had unhealthy fears that altered my behavior. I had learned how to manipulate and control people and was quite adept at it. These things were destructive in the long-run, and damaging in the short.
Poverty cycles had to be broken by breaking thinking patterns that enabled poverty. Mental illness issues were dealt with spiritually. We had to recognize wrong patterns of thinking that had created destructive habits and behaviors. Then we had to seek out truth and healthy thinking. The only way to health that I knew I could trust was God. He was the only thing I knew was outside my thinking and had no hint of error or deception. I could not trust others, and I most definitely could not trust myself. So we sought His counsel, His wisdom, His Word for how to walk in truth and health.
America has a troubling history. While it has some very notable achievements, it has suffered some serious internal wounds. People within its leadership ranks have compromised its integrity, instilled destructive programs and habits, and reformatted its foundation blocks so much that we have a significant population that is actually entrenched in unhealthy thoughts, attitudes and actions. It’s like the generations of dysfunction in my family.
We propagate what we know and have learned. Until the error is recognized and corrected, we reproduce it. Depending on our level of awareness is our level of bondage. Those who are in denial of their addictions look obvious to those who are not. Consider the liberal ideology that defies logic, like illegal immigration protective measures. They want to grant noncitizens citizen rights. Logically that is ridiculous. Citizenship affords not only rights and privileges, but also responsibilities. That’s like saying anyone who wants to pretend they’re a member of my family (even though not born or adopted by me) can have provision and protection from me. That’s absurd! Who in their right mind would allow that?
But here’s the deal, either they’re crooked and have an ulterior motive (say, crushing the economy and/or bribing votes?), OR they’re in the midst of their unhealthy mindset and can’t see it. They have somehow been sold the lie that compassion is inclusive and without healthy boundaries. So they promote illogical ideologies in ignorance, unable to see the error in their ways, and depending on their level of blindness, combative to having their ideology challenged, with say… logic.
Those who have been responsible for leadership in America have meticulously orchestrated methods of deceiving Americans. They have inculcated ideology into the schools, entertainment industry, and media: the three main conduits for information and influence. They have deliberately and systematically downplayed the family and its role in society, in order to promulgate collective thinking instead of independent thinking. Their ideology is designed specifically to weaken America to the point of dividing it and crippling it in order to assimilate it into a global community submitted to world leaders. In contrast, America was founded to provide a bastion for liberty and independence.
The mouthpiece for getting information out, the mainstream media, has partnered with those intent on changing America. The public school systems, where generations are indoctrinated for thirteen years of their formative years, further endorse these intentions.
This has created a chasm of ignorance in significant proportions of people who are genuinely ignorant of how to stimulate and maintain a healthy independent nation, culturally, socially, and politically. They have been so entrenched in these ways of thinking, that these attitudes permeate their identity to where they seriously cannot see the error in their ways. It’s like my extended family members who cannot see the dysfunction as unhealthy, and recoil against thinking and actions that don’t fit the status quo mold.
America’s generations that have been fed lies and deceptions that have affected social, cultural, political and personal thoughts, attitudes and behaviors, cannot understand the abrupt pulling up of the brakes on this downward decline the current President has done.
It’s like a spoiled child that has grown accustomed to crying or throwing fits to get his way, but goes to visit the strict relative that sees the damage done and responds to the child in a way to bring change. The child fights it. The child misunderstands it, misperceives it, and distrusts it.
My husband and I pulled up the brakes on a legacy of dysfunction, and those members who could not identify the dysfunction could not understand our different choices. There was a push back against us to conform instead to their traditions and ways of thinking. We were ostracized at times because of our lack of compliance.
Liberty threatens control. When we walk in liberty of thought or action, those who need to control are threatened.
America needs to break cycles of poverty, (political and social) abuse, addictions (for government aide and bidding), ignorance and a lot of other evils. To do so is going to take a concerted effort of exposing unhealthy habits and mindsets. Few will understand what that’s like or how to do it. In fact, few will even see that the legacy the current American generation has acquired is debilitating for health in the long run. If we want Americans’ future to include liberty and health, we have to break those cycles. We should start in ourselves, and then apply them in our nation.
Trump may very well be another political pawn in a long line of Establishment Deep State. Because of the depth, history and decades of this Establishment, it’s very difficult to believe an “outsider” has made it into the White House and may actually be a Patriot. I keep a cautious eye open and feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Or Trump may be a Patriot. He may be the one who has rejected the legacy of dysfunction pouring from the halls of Capitol Hill. If this be the case, his actions will be scrutinized for very different reasons. Those in lock step with unhealthy dysfunction will fight his every word and move. Those in deception and ignorance of the dysfunction will be like the family members who could not understand our thinking and actions.
If Trump is a Patriot intent on dismantling the Deep State, his actions will need the wisdom of the Almighty. When we look at the recent events in Syria, it appears this may indeed be the case. There are complex plans and alliances that look like one thing on the surface but are quite another in reality. Russia practically forecast the false flag that was coming to Syria three weeks before it happened. They were spot-on in their deductions for how the international community would react. This afforded Trump the time to prepare his counter-move. In order to be strategic, he had to look on the surface as though he was going along with the ruse. In reality, he was counter-striking. And he did so in such a way that because the Deep State’s objectives are a charade, they couldn’t even retaliate without exposing themselves.
Trump isn’t going to be able to correct things overnight. His methods will have to be strategically calculated because he is countering dark agendas that have masqueraded as light for so long that people actually believe what they see in front of them is real and good. The average American isn’t going to be able to understand and rightly discern what’s going on, even if they’re paying attention. The average American thinks the dysfunction we’re living in is normal, some even think it’s good.
My husband and I worked for years undoing the damage of a legacy of dysfunction. Now we’ve released four individuals into the world who walk in health and strength. There were long seasons it was messy and it looked like the dysfunction of the past was going to win. These things don’t undo themselves. It takes time, patience, wisdom and persistence. For us, the stakes were high. It was our children’s health for our God’s glory. For America the stakes are high. It’s our nation’s health for our God’s glory.
If Trump’s a pawn, I’ll be the first to self-correct and acknowledge my mistake. But from someone who spent two decades undoing an unhealthy legacy, the things I’m seeing indicate he’s doing the same thing on a much, much larger scale. There will be times it looks like loss. There will be times it looks like the enemy. We may not understand. Be encouraged; Trump has made the effort through Q to communicate with Patriots to help them go through the process with understanding, which is awesome, because we aren’t left totally in the dark.
War games are indeed ensuing, but the battle has nothing to do with party lines and everything to do with the health of America and its destiny.
© 2018 Ms. Smallback – All Rights Reserved
E-Mail Ms. Smallback: M.Smallback@cox.net
