W.R. Marshall -- America is Irony Deficient

AMERICA IS IRONY DEFICIENT

by Dr. W.R. Marshall, Ph.D
December 15, 2007
NewsWithViews.com

While a few die-hard ostriches (the new symbol of the Republican Party) mumble with mouths full of sand how well things are going, the rest of the nation knows we�ve lost quite a bit since George W. Bush lost the presidential election in 2000.

We�ve lost lives.
We�ve lost allies.
We�ve lost credibility.
We�ve lost billions of dollars.
We�ve lost the truth.
We�ve lost the ability to tell right from wrong.
We�re on the verge of losing the future.

And if anyone can find the Democrats, write me. (I could have sworn they became the majority party in 2006, but hell if I can find them.)

Lost in all this losing, was America�s sense of irony.

Irony isn�t some recent immigrant to our shores. It was around when the founders started the whole American enterprise. Washington and Jefferson were slave owners in a nation founded on freedom, and both struggled with that it in their private moments. Jefferson and Sally Hemings even got publicly jiggy with it. They did it in France, but they were still jiggy�which in French is spelled jiggiot.

Since the Bush Administration came to power there�s been an assault on irony, and while the war in Iraq goes on, it seems irony was, last week, finally brought down. It wasn�t Bush alone, he had help; it appears whipping irony was something on which everyone could agree.

Other nations gave irony the boot long ago. Germany�s got a lengthy non-ironic history, ending with their ongoing attempts to purge Scientology. (Stop, stop, stop. No, I don�t think Scientology is a religion. Yes, I think Scientologists are all loonies�all of them.) But Scientologists think they�re a religion and since they first came to Germany, the German government has been trying to throw them out because it defines Scientology as a cult that has the taint of Nazism about it. When the new German constitution was written after the Second World War, it expressly forbade Nazism and any organization which appeared to be a cult, as certain cults lead to Nazism. The German government has deemed Scientology a cult. They�re right. However, in a land where the duly elected government (Nazis) once persecuted people for their religious beliefs, and where, to prevent this from ever happening again, they drew up a constitution outlawing that group (Nazis) or any group like them, ergo, preventing the persecution of people for their religious beliefs, it�s�what�s the word�that few in Germany give a second thought to the duly elected German government persecuting a people for their religious beliefs�loony or not.

The new Russia is run by an old Soviet KGB guy who�s grabbing power in the new Russia like an old school Commie, and while many Russians are alarmed and dismayed, there are plenty who think things are swell as long as they can line up to buy a Mercedes or a Big Mac�and the lines at the MacDonald�s in Moscow are notoriously long. It beats standing in line for toilet paper and shoes�

Back in the USSA, irony went missing last week. First�although it might have been second, irony got it from all sides�Stammerin� George, prophet of WWIII with Iran, got news form the NIE that the mushroom clouds he assured us were just over the horizon, had, in fact, been stuck in a drawer back in 2003. The National Intelligence Estimate (NIE) is the combined intelligence of sixteen agencies, not just some guy with an agenda. The spin started immediately; the NIE is wrong and things are still dire, etc. Where irony took it hard was when folks recalled a similar prediction about a similar nation in a similar part of the world based on a similar NIE report�which the Administration insisted was right, even though it was wrong, unlike this one, which they assure us is wrong, even though it�s right.

Then Mitt Romney made his Kennedy style �religion isn�t important speech.� Except Romney said it is important, very important, unless it�s the �religion of secularism,� which isn�t important, just dangerous�dangerous and unimportant.

Finally, the CIA�with Darth Cheney doing the Sith mind-control thing�destroyed tapes of agents involved in what might have been torture of detainees. They said the reason they destroyed the tapes was to preserve the identity of the agents involved, and the folks at 1600 couldn�t agree more. Identities of CIA agents must be preserved�unless it�s the identity of a CIA agent that doesn�t need to be preserved like Valerie Plame.

There�s no telling where irony is now. One rumor has it in a cabin somewhere in Wyoming next to Dick Cheney�s place. Another has it disguised as White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, who has better hair than Tony Snow and less information than Scott McClellan.

Wherever you�ve gone irony, please come back�I don�t think any of us can survive another election without you.

W. R. Marshall is a syndicated columnist and novelist. His column, 'A Dull Ache'(tm) is read in over one hundred markets around the world. He also has a PhD, an M.F.A., and three singularly unimpressed children. His wife has been known to say, �Hey, Pynchon, do the dishes.�