W.R. Marshall -- The Weasel Syndrome

THE WEASEL SYNDROME

by Dr. W.R. Marshall, Ph.D
February 23, 2008
NewsWithViews.com

�I'm a politician, which means I'm a cheat and a liar, and when I'm not kissing babies, I'm stealing their lollipops,� Dr. Jeffery Pelt from The Hunt for Red October.

Just because that was said by a fake politician, doesn�t mean it isn�t true. In fact, outside the small vestige of true believers who think Karl Rove has a conscience or Dick Cheney isn�t in league with Satan, there probably isn�t anyone in America who thinks otherwise�including me.

And yet, I�m still surprised by just how weasely these folks can be. But recently I�ve found it�s not really their fault�it�s Bill Clinton�s fault.

All you right wing loonies can stop thinking I�ve come over to the Dark Side. The sleaze coming off the Republicans in the last eight years is thicker than a stack of Cheney�s Halliburton stock options.

Bill Clinton finished his run as President with a 65% approval rating, the highest of any post-WWII president. That�s twice as high as the current boob in the White House, the one world can�t wait to get rid of. Given the sorry state of everything from our foreign policy to the economy under Bumblin� Dubya, Clinton looks like second coming of Abe Lincoln. (Then again, compared to 43, Herbert Hoover looks like a genius.) As Republican superstar Alan Greenspan said, Bill Clinton was the best Republican president he had ever worked for.

That said, ol� slick Willy just can�t keep himself out of trouble. We saw it when he was in office and we�ve seen it again recently as he campaigns for his wife. He�s said some seriously stupid things that he�s had to backtrack from� backtrack hard. To be fair, he�s done an enormous amount of charitable work in between playing golf and giving $250k speeches, so he gets a little slack for being off his game.

But it�s not a game, it�s a disease, a communicable disease; Weasel Syndrome, and he�s Weasel Syndrome patient zero.

Hillary obviously has it, but lately, in a scenario that has to have the CDC shaking in their Hazmat suits, it�s spread�and it has no party affiliation.

Right-wing waterboy, former? dope fiend, Rush Limbaugh is a Weasel Syndrome casualty. After weeks of trashing John McCain and endorsing Mitt Romney (impotence is a symptom of WS; he didn�t even slow McCain down), he pulls a clinton and babbles about how he helped McCain by not endorsing him, because if he had backed McCain, the Senator couldn�t possible have the nomination all but sewn up. See, he helped McCain by not helping McCain�and he believes that. Sad what Weasel Syndrome can do, isn�t it?

Don�t you miss the old days when Nixon just stood up, looked you in the eye, and lied to your face?

Then, on Meet the Press, Democratic stalwart and Billary supporter, Senator Chuck Schumer, answered this Tim Russert question:

RUSSERT: If Barack Obama was ahead at the end of this primary season in elected delegates, states won, and popular vote, should he be the nominee?

A simple and straight forward question, n�est pas?

WEASEL ALERT � WEASLE ALERT � WEASEL ALERT � WEASEL ALERT

SCHUMER: Well, you know again, to predict what will happen after June 7th when there are going to be so many twists and turns�you need to know lots of details. Did he win the other states 60/40 or did he win them 50.1 to 49.9? Is the popular vote overwhelming or is it not? Let me say this, Tim, this is a closely fought contest, it is going to twist and turn a whole bunch of times, and I think making a set rule now in February when we have �til June 7th when there are 19 states, many important ones�Texas, Ohio, Pennsylvania� that haven�t voted, when we know the way these campaigns work, there are twist and turns, doesn�t make sense. Each candidate�s fighting hard, it�s a darn close election, I think democrats believe this is a very good election because there are two good candidates as opposed, to �oh, we have to settle for somebody�, and making a set rule now of any type, each candidate is going to proffer the rule that is in their best interest right now. But for the moment let�s let the primaries move forward let�s see where we are at the end of the day on June 7th.

(I transcribed this right off the tube, then guessed at the punctuation. I actually thought of making it one long rambling sentence�it probably was�but I got confused after the second line. I think that was the plan.)

Jeez, Senator, all that was missing was a few minutes devoted to what �is is� and they would have had to quarantine the studio and force Russert to do the rest of the season inside a plastic bubble.

So, my fellow Americans, when asked a question, keep your answers short and try to as best you can to answer the question you�ve been asked�if you find yourself rambling and talking in circles, get to a doctor, quick�

WR Marshall is a syndicated columnist and novelist. His column, 'A Dull Ache'(tm) is read in over one hundred markets around the world. He also has a PhD, which he's still paying for-in more ways than one...