W.R. Marshall -- Devalue of the Value Voters

DEVALUE OF THE VALUE VOTERS

by Dr. W.R. Marshall, Ph.D
October 27, 2007
NewsWithViews.com

There are lots of buzz words on the campaign trail this year: terrorism, taxes, health care, competence, (competence is new for this election; we obviously didn�t care about it in 2000 and 2004). But the word getting all the attention lately is: values.

Recently, Republican Presidential Candidates supplicated themselves before the �values voters.� This is a very small, very vocal, very conservative minority, and the candidates were effusive in their self-praise about how full of values they themselves are.

Even the Democrats are jumping in, stating proudly values are the backbone of their candidacy and their call to public service. So that�s what holds their heads up, it had to be something because we all know it isn�t spine.

However, if you listen closely, �values�, especially for values voters, means one thing and one thing only�faith.

Now it all makes sense. Value voters are the last fragment of that aforementioned base that still supports the President. According to the value voters favorite book (not TV Guide, the other Bible), faith �is the evidence of things not seen,� and there is no evidence that Commander Guy Bush is anything but a first class train wreck�but with a little faith, well, something good could come of this. After all, look how well things worked out for Job.

Along with faith, there are �family values,� and no one can deny the President has deep family values. Without the value of his family he�d been the assistant lettuce stacker in the produce department of a Piggly Wiggly in Houston, picking up extra money on weekends as a bartender at one of those giant cowboy joints (as long as it was horse free.)

But there are many other values that have made this presidency the �values administration,� and it is these principles that we must secure in the next election to make sure the current high moral standards are carried into the future.

Here are just a few:

The Value of Ignoring the Constitution�anyone who has worked in an office knows just how annoying, and frankly irrelevant, all that company policy and HR horse manure can be. Most of us just throw the handbook in the bottom drawer of our desk without ever looking at it, and then sign the forms saying we read it. There are few rule books more confusing than the Constitution. (Maybe the Bible, but fortunately government doesn�t concern itself with that.) If you want to get things done you have to bend the rules.

The Value of Arrogance�if confidence breeds success then arrogance breeds really big success. The proof of this is all around us, from the two (and we hope three) front war in the Middle East, to the Housing Boom, to the increased wealth and comfort of the middle class�inhale deeply, and fill your lungs with the sweet smell of success.

The Value of Secrecy�any one can classify information and, to be honest, Mr. & Mrs. America don�t really want to know how scary the world is. But when the government keeps secrets from itself, now you have something of value. There�s no reason to tell the other branches of government what�s going on�especially the Legislative Branch. It would only get in the way of them passing more non-binding resolutions. It�s best to make all these decisions for us without telling us anything; except when you want to tell us something secret because it�s not your secret.

The Value of Never Firing Anyone�what can you say about a guy who, in spite of violations of oath of office, defiance of federal law, deceit, mediocrity and garden variety incompetence just won�t fire you? You can say he�s the guy we all want to work for, because you know he will treat the company�or the country�just as well as he treats his employees.

The Value of No-Bid Contracts�no need to worry about corruption, bribes, or some company trying to unduly influence the decision making process. Better yet, you never have to meet lobbyists, shake their greasy palms and consider their offers of golf junkets in Scotland. Just throw a bunch of money at someone you already know, like the Vice President.

The Value of Going It Alone�screw everybody, it�s not like any other country ever did anything for the world. What�s the point of diplomacy or trying to get along with a world that just doesn�t see things your way? Just charge right in, and remember, when the bull is done with the china shop, the bull is still there�and what do bulls need with demitasse cups.

The Value of Being Wrong�there is something comforting in always saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, and making the wrong choice. It lets the public know where you stand. No guessing about how the next foreign excursion or executive order will turn out�we already know. It�ll be wrong, just like all the others. That�s something we can all value, an anchor pulling us down together in uncertain times.

The Value of Being the Worst President in History�it makes us think even Hillary would be an improvement.

W. R. Marshall is a syndicated columnist and novelist. His column, 'A Dull Ache'(tm) is read in over one hundred markets around the world. He also has a PhD, an M.F.A., and three singularly unimpressed children. His wife has been known to say, �Hey, Pynchon, do the dishes.�