PART 2 of 3
March 6, 2012
[Note: From the book How to Survive Your Parents. Print, download and Kindle versions of book available through FHU website.]
Every man born of woman feels anxious and self-conscious, and each makes the same fatal mistake of crawling inside a woman—like the worm he is—in order to resolve his conflict.
Every woman feels a man's abuse, and each man gets to feel her use of his abuse; they end up blaming and hating one another.
Fallen man seeks to vindicate an ancient guilt through the love of a beautiful woman, but her love only aggravates his problem with himself. His ego then tries to resolve this conflict in two wrong, guilt-producing ways:
He uses her again.
His bewildered ego makes the fatal mistake of seeking "innocent" solace in a woman's guile, and of justifying that mistake by hating her treachery.
The earth-bound ego receives its pleasures through love/hate escapes, and is sustained by the energies that are released through excitement. Reacting with "love" and hate, it sucks everyone into a reciprocal and hypnotic love/hate relationship. Children will reflect, imitate and react to parental emotions and attitudes.
Anxiety over what you are (especially what you have become through hate) causes you to need more love. That is what makes you obligate your children to respect you. Sometimes they do—and sometimes they hate you instead. This is the basic pressure that destroys you and yours.
All feelings are selfish. No guilty, dying soul can feel alive without some feeling of emotion. If it is denied love, then hate will do just as well.
Emotion is the chief "commodity" of selfishness. For the ego to survive apart from God, it must create scenes during which it can "trade" emotions. I ask you, how can you give the gift of selfhood and independence to your child, when you are selfishly and emotionally involved in making your child into a violent beast or a warm puppy, and enslaving him to your sick ego needs?
Are you an angry person? Then you teach your child resentment. He grows up like a wild beast with an insatiable appetite for judgment. You both get to look at one another's faults—to keep from seeing your own! And the same is true of the wrong kind of love. You either make your child into a lover and a slave of love, or into a hater and a slave of hate.
Satisfying your own selfish ego-need, you project your own prideful identity, setting your children up for a future love/hate, intrigue-filled, dog-eat-dog existence, in which nothing grows but pride, conflict and tragedy.
In order to stand in correction to another, you must exemplify the quality you wish to develop. Exemplifying humility does not project change the way that pride does, through emotion-based mimicry—a monkey see, monkey do sort of thing. No, the magic of a good example is much more profound than that. You accomplish this marvelous thing by being as conscious as you want others to be. In other words, it is more an awakening experience than a learning one.
The kind of love of which I speak needs no emotional support from anyone; it is fully capable of freeing others from the vicious, slavish obligation to return love or hate. If "love" or hate should arise, as is their habit (perhaps as manipulative ploys against you), then your patient awareness does not return feelings. Instead it neutralizes and frees the "lover" or hater from his compulsive behavior toward you.
The greatest of all gifts (especially appropriate at Christmas time) is choosing not to give, which frees others from the obligation to give something in return for what you've given them. Being obliged to give binds others to the agony of giving. Do you see what I mean? Giving under pressure wrongly resolves a conflict that was implanted by suggestion. In effect, the pressure source is rewarded, and the giver can become a pressure source to others. The pressure that makes you "give" becomes the pressure that makes others "give," too. The same principle applies to your love needs for your children.
Although children are indeed emotionally involved with their parents, parents must never be involved with them. That is how you reveal your love to your children: by not playing the emotional game. Children sense any parental ego-weakness toward them and are tempted to exploit this emotional bond. But if they find calm parental strength instead, it relieves them. Why? Because emotionless love doesn't tempt, and cannot be tempted to tempt.
Without the love which comes through the unselfish emotionless state, your need compels you to respond, and to cause others to respond endlessly to you with love and hate. Like it or not, you reinforce one another's ego madness. The worst in others evolves to become an even worse part of you, and the worst in you becomes an even more sick part of them.
No one in their wrong mind has any Divine Love to give. Even if one did have love, the wrong mind would not give it, because its expression would eliminate the basis of the ego's own selfish and prideful existence.
Emotion in all its forms, passing back and forth between people, evolves beasts and demons, but never human beings. If the world became perfect tomorrow, few people could stand the pain. Our sick egos engineer problems: problems challenge and excite our sick souls to grow, and to forget the guilt of growing in that way.
Have you any idea how much guilt is behind the love you think you feel for others? Tell me, have you ever successfully made up to anyone without setting the stage for being betrayed, used and upset all over again?
Cupid shoots his poisoned arrow of emotion straight into the ego's heart. Agape—emotionless—love alone is the antidote.
Submissive love, the kind that weak, guilt-ridden men feel for their mothers, wives and children, is not really love at all. It is a form of slavery, motivated by the need to soothe guilt, anxiety and hate.
It is commonplace to see an apparently decent, thoughtful, highly-principled male provider whose wife and children walk all over him. To add insult to injury, they may even resent the helpless fool for not being the man in charge.
A weak father places his family under a compulsion to take over, and this is the problem he ends up battling. When resentment produces a show of violent strength, he finds that emotion to be his next undoing. His alternatives are between the devil and the deep blue sea: that is, to be more submissive, or more violent. Feeling guilt for his violence makes him afraid of being upset, which fear is the impetus for being wishy-washy again. This in turn leads his family to take more liberties—fill in your own variation and unhappy ending.
Father feels guilty for his "love" and hate; mother feels guilty from his love and hate, and for her own love and hate. The children feel betrayed; they acquire guilt from the license they are given to take liberties, and then from the violent suppression of their transgressions. They develop their own love/hate thing: love weak daddy/hate weak daddy; love weak mommy/hate weak mommy.
It is not the children's fault that they are wild, and it is not (usually) the woman's fault that she is a nag, mad with power or driven to drink.
IT IS A MAN'S LACK OF COMMITMENT TO WHAT IS RIGHT—HIS LACK OF COURAGE TO RESIST WHAT HIS SELFISH EGO NEEDS—THAT IS THE REAL PROBLEM.
I am reminded of an old saying: "when the cat's away, the mice will play"—meaning, of course, that in the absence of authority you will find chaos. It is not so much that women and children are bad; it is more true to say that men are weak. It is in the nature of little egos to go astray in the absence of authority, and to behave in its presence. Children need authority. If children are not guided by the presence of good authorities, they will be influenced by bad ones. Evil simply fills the vacuum left by a lack of guidance. If you do not claim them with emotionless love, the devil in their mother will seduce them with her emotional appeal.
Observe how difficult it is to stand against those you need. You are obliged to be weak with those from whom you need support, or they will pull the rug from under your wobbly ego. So, gentlemen, look ahead to your inevitable end and choose sides: woman-approval or Divine-approval. Build your house on sand, or on rock; a womanizer can hardly enter the Kingdom of God.
Pity the families of weak men. There are millions of them, all going to rack and ruin, sustained in their meaningless existence by the gutless, emotionally angry, emotionally submissive fathers. Here is where the suffering begins, and here is where it must end.
Where there is none of the strength that comes from knowing, failing comes to take its place. Where there is failing, there also is emotion, and emotion is the stuff the evolution of hell-on-earth is made of.
Let me frame what I just said in a different way. Consider what happened when President Reagan and President Carter took a stands against Communist aggression by the former Soviet Union. The Soviets walked all over Carter, but 8 years of Reagan brought the Soviet Union to the brink of collapse—it actually collapsed a year or so after Reagan left office. Egocentric nations behave just like little kids, compelled to take advantage only when they sense their adversary's weakness. The principle is the same: to avoid war we need a strong "father" president; to avoid family strife, a strong father, rather than one who desires popularity, is also necessary. Realize that your own ego-need for support represents a sin, a guilt, which you must learn to resolve in a right way.
Remember, gentlemen, your weakness is really another form of wickedness. Men have a weakness for wickedness; wickedness rises to the call of weakness. When weakness reigns, men become fools and women become devils in disguise.
Weakness embraces wickedness. Weakness draws evil into existence to sustain it in its pride. Weakness, becoming wickedness, cannot properly oppose what it needs. Whenever it does oppose, power still goes to the tyrant to become more wicked, thereby at least sustaining the weak one in his illusion of his own goodness. When the weak go to "holy" war against the wicked, guess what happens when they win? They become the very thing they opposed.
Your submissive weakness draws up the problem you are forced to deal with violently. You are just as damned when you "win" the war as when you lose.
False love (appeasement) always causes aggressiveness, violence and war. True peace emanates from the strength that comes from the deep knowledge of what is right (faith), never compromising or backing down for any reason whatsoever.
Be sure of yourself in each emotionless moment. Stand calmly and fearlessly for what you know is right, against all doers, big and small; by so doing you will nip all problems in the bud. Abandon all care of losing love; abandon all love of gaining love. Bear persecution graciously.
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Any psychotic, friendly, nice and easy-going, submissive, people-appeasing mannerisms you have betray where you are coming from. It's just as though you stand around with a big sign on you which says: "I am a pushover, please take advantage of me!" Look how indignant you become when someone does—but look at how you really love it! Hating wrong is the only way your sick, weak soul has of being right. You compare yourself with the very wickedness that you have encouraged to serve your need: first for love, and then for judgment. Love and hate both reinforce the self-righteous ego monster within you. For part one click below.
(To be continued in Part 3)
[NOTE: The antidote to becoming or remaining entangled in emotional love/hate, is learning to deal properly, i.e., without resentment, to pressure of any kind. My Be Still and Know meditation exercise shows you how to do this and helps you practice remaining in the proper state. You can try it before you buy it and, if you like it, purchase your own copy, at fhu.com or by calling 800-877-3227.]
Listen to Roy Masters LIVE call in radio show Monday to Friday from 9 PM to 11 PM Pacific on KDWN Radio in Las Vegas, NV.
© 2012 Roy Masters - All Rights Reserved
Roy Masters—who in his 80s continues to broadcast the longest-running counseling show in talk radio history, his internationally syndicated daily radio program Advice Line, grew up in pre-WWII England. He started his journey toward understanding human nature when as a teen he saw a stage hypnotist at a vaudeville show in Brighton. The hypnotist easily put volunteer subjects in a spell and made them do outlandish things, like dancing with a broom and forgetting their own names.
Puzzled by the hypnotist’s mysterious power, Roy distinctly remembers pondering the question: “Why can’t hypnotism be used to make people act sensibly, rather than foolishly?” Inspired by the idea of harnessing this baffling force for good, he later pursued the art of hypnotism and established a successful hypnotherapy practice.
After several years of practice, Masters made his central and pivotal discovery about the root of people’s emotional problems, addictions and complexes. He realized that people did not need hypnosis, because their core problem was that they are already hypnotized—not by a clever stage performer, but by the stresses, pressures and seductions of daily life.
He used his knowledge to discover a way to help us become de-hypnotized, and discovered that the root of the power of negative suggestion lay in our wrong emotional response, that of resentment. Masters’ remarkably effective exercise, a simple observation technique called Be Still and Know—is at the core of his unmatched track record in helping people overcome even the most serious mental-emotional problems, and is the centerpiece of a successful program within the U.S. military community (“Patriot Outreach”) that is helping thousands of military personnel and their families cope with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).