Eternal life is the gift of God, a free gift, to all who believe in Jesus Christ (John 3:16). It’s not for sale.

Some of the world’s richest men, hi-tech billionaires, apparently don’t believe it. They want eternal life. They want it passionately. But they’re looking to buy it.

“The Sun” recently reported on five of the ways these billionaires hope to live forever. Not addressed at all was the question of whether any of them *should* live forever.

But let’s look at these five sure-fire ways to beat the Grim Reaper.

Numero uno, “Cure aging.” Why does that make me think of the special morale coach in “The Natural” solemnly intoning, “Losing is a disease”? But of course if you cure aging, you cure a lot of other things as well.

This is, like, so simple! All you’ve got to do is slow the clock way down and reverse that universal law of thermodynamics that says that all systems naturally and inevitably grow more random with the passage of time, until they break down. God addresses this by translating souls to a place where time is not an issue; but in this fallen world, it is. So you hire lots of Science and you cure aging! No sweat.

Two, “a computer chip in your brain” so that you can “become one with machines.” I thought that was a cliché from biker movies, but billionaire Elon Musk takes it literally. Just hook your brain up to the right computer and you’ll become a super-genius, able to laugh at the trammels of mortality. Except when they have to do updates. Or when somebody hacks the computer that your brain’s hooked up to and tells it that you’re an owl. “Hoo-hoo-hoo,” exclaimed the super-genius.

Number three, buy “apocalypse insurance.” You know—a whole island to yourself, or a former nuclear missile silo hardened against enemy attack and earthquakes. ‘Cause you never know what huckleberry is gonna start something that ends the world. A nodding acquaintance with the Book of Revelation might suggest that there is nothing money can buy that will protect you from the Apocalypse—but heck, if you’re going to buy eternal life, you might as well buy immunity from disaster, too. Tucked away safely in your silo, you won’t have to go foraging for really bad food in a radioactive wasteland that used to be the world.

Four (and this is a good one!), “young blood transfusions” just might reverse aging, “according to some experts.” There’s an expert for every occasion. Simply pump out your tired old billionaire blood and pump in the blood of someone young and healthy. Elizabeth Bathory tried this, eternal youth via the blood of the young, but as her methods of obtaining blood included serial murder, it’s not recommended. She died in 1614 after five years of solitary confinement. If “young blood” really worked, you’d think she’d still be here 400 years later. Oh, well, back to the drawing board.

And Number five, “digital consciousness,” which is to say “upload your brain into a computer.” Yeah, that’ll work. The only tricky part is, first they have to kill you—and pump your body full of “custom embalming chemicals.” Plain old Acme Embalming Fluid isn’t good enough. So far this method has yet to meet its first volunteer. Well, the first one that we’ve heard about—who knows what billionaires get up to when no one’s looking?

For the human race, there is a caveat. If any of these methods really does seem to work, and we’ve got some tech billionaire celebrating his 250th birthday down there in the missile silo, then every politician in the world will want to do it, too. Imagine another 500 years of Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House. And that’s in the *nice* countries. Kim Jong Un will want to live forever, too. And Senor Maduro. Imagine a couple centuries of them running your country.

Is it just too old-fashioned to leave immortality to God, and let Him handle it? One hates to display a lack of faith in hi-tech billionaires—but are they up to the job of living forever?

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh; the LORD shall have them in derision (Psalm 2:4).

I have discussed these and other topics throughout the week on my blog, http://leeduigon.com/ . Stop in and visit; a single click will take you there. You can also find my articles at http://www.chalcedon.edu/ .

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E-Mail Lee Duigon: leeduigon@verizon.net