Saving Kamala

by Lee Duigon

April 25, 2024

Democrat operatives are growing increasingly frantic about Vice President Kamala Harris’ popularity. Polls consistently show her mired somewhere in the 30s—34 percent here, 35 percent there, etc. They will not admit to any lower numbers.

The Save Kamala PAC—off the record, but not so far off that we have to pretend we never saw it—asserts that come hell or high water, Kamala will be SloJo Biden’s running mate. “Are you kiddin’? We’re stuck with her!” grants White House shaman Xia Jin Pow. “Just try dumping the first black woman v.p. and sees what happens to you!”

But not all White House staff go that far. Jia Ma-fu declares, “But this is easy! Sure, Kamala is dead weight on the ticket—well, so what? If you want to get rid of her, just appoint her to the Supreme Court: Justice Kamala Harris. End of problem!”

When reminded that there are currently no vacancies on the court, Mr. Jia smirked knowingly and remarked, “It ain’t just COVID that they brew up in the Wuhan lab, baby! There are ways of creating a vacancy, know what I mean?”

Even so, there are those in the administration who would prefer to keep Ms. Harris on board. “She takes boos and brickbats that would otherwise be thrown at our beloved president,” said Tan Bu-ting, in charge of what’s in the Oval Office broom closet (top secret). “Imagine if we had a vice president who was at all competent, and actually more popular than poison ivy. That leaves our glorious leader to take the heat. No way we can have that!”

According to incredibly confidential sources, “experts” are zeroing in on Ms. Harris’ notorious laugh—“her cackle”—that always seems to erupt at just the wrong moment.

“No doubt about it—it’s that creepy laugh that turns people off,” said consultant Wu Xiu. “We’ve tried all kinds of ways to break her of that habit. Sad stories don’t work; she laughs at those, too. We’ve even tried small electric shocks, and still come up empty. So far, we’re stumped!”

But what about some of the administration’s wildly unpopular public policies? Refusing to enforce our nation’s borders. Wiping out a trillion dollars’ worth of student loans. Trying to force people to buy electric cars that they don’t want. Using the schools to promote transgenderism. It’s a very long list.

“Policy, schmolicy!” said Mr. Wu. “We’ve got the news media, social media censorship, mail-in ballots, celebrities—so who cares what all those peasants out there think of any policy? Do you really think our policies will get us any votes? Fooey! Get rid of that laugh and we can let the World Economic Forum dictate America’s policy.”

But then there’s the looming specter, four years from now, of “President Kamala Harris,” cackle and all.

“You’re all assuming there will still be a United States of America four years from now,” Mr. Wu said. “Well, there will be, of course—but not in any shape that anyone over twenty would recognize.

“Remember: we are aiming for a fundamental transformation of America, and we will let nothing stand in our way.

“Not even Kamala Harris’ laugh.”

I have covered this and other topics throughout the week on my blog, http://www.leeduigon.com/ . Click the link and put your two cents in! My articles can also be found at www.chalcedon.edu/ .

E-Mail Lee Duigon: leeduigon@verizon.net