Stop Evil Putin Now “A Satire”
I don’t know about you, but Putin never fooled me. I know very well that the fall of the Soviet Union was just a trick to fool us, that communism is alive and kicking in today’s Russia, and that Putin is still a KGB man — once a spy, forever a spy.
Even worse, Putin has mentioned several times that he wants to implement evil communism in America. How does he plan to do it?
Well, according to my secret sources at the highest levels of the Kremlin, Putin, after his great success when Russian hackers stole the election from Hitlary, who had already won thanks to the votes of 2 million illegal Mexicans in California, and gave the presidency to his buddy Trump, has decided to go for the whole enchilada and run for the American presidency himself.
So, given the fact that his hackers are the best the ruble can buy, I am convinced that in the next presidential election Vladimir Putin will run for the presidency of the United States and will get an overwhelming majority of the popular vote as well as control over the Electoral College.
Yes! This not a joke. In 2020, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin will be elected the next President of the United States. I have no doubts about it.
Of course, crazy conspiracy theorists on the left will claim that Putin was not born in the United States, but he will post on his Facebook page a photocopy of a photocopy of his birth certificate, showing that he actually was born in St. Petersburg, Florida. When asked by the press, he will argue that if we had a president who was born in Kenya, it is nothing to be excited about having one born in St. Petersburg, Florida.
Later on, the KGB will produce more documents showing that Putin got a law degree from Yale, where he joined the Skull and Bones secret society, as well as that he taught at Harvard, even though nobody remembers having met him there.
As soon as Putin knows that the has been elected the 46th president of the United States, he will tell the press that he plans to appoint Hitlary Clinton as Secretary of State and Barry Soetoro (a.k.a. Barack Hussein Obama) as his National Security Advisor. Marking a big difference from previous administrations, both Republican and Democrats, where no more than 90 percent of cabinet appointees have been CFR members, in the coming Putin administration all of them will be.
A long time ago, Tsun Tzu, a Chinese general who lived in 500 B.C. wrote in his book The Art of War that all warfare is based on deception, and it is known that Putin is an avid reader of the Chinese general. So, in order to destroy America as we know it, the first thing he will do is to create a Soviet-like single political party. Actually, that would not be too difficult, because currently is not easy to distinguish “progressive” Democrats from “conservative” Republicans, particularly since the two factions have become rabidly anti-Trump. So, to make it simple, Putin will get control over the Council on Foreign Relations, change its name to Communists Frantic and Red (CFR) and make it the only official political party of America. All CFR members will love it. From that point on, they will not have to use elected politicians as puppets and will directly control the U.S. government without intermediaries.
Soon after he destroys the two parties, Putin will order the creation of a central bank. He deviously will name it the Federal Reserve Bank, even though it would not be a federal department, but a private corporation controlled by foreign bankers and would have no gold reserves. As soon as he creates it, the new central bank will begin printing worthless pieces of paper and call them Federal Reserve Notes. Some fools will call it “money.”
To top it off, the next thing Putin will do to destroy America is to create an organization to legally steal money from Americans. To do this, he will create a private corporation and call it the Internavsky Revenuskovich Servickaya (IRS). The main goal of this nefarious organization will be to make Americans dirt poor, because a poor population is a lot easier to control than a prosperous one. Of course, the IRS law will have enough loopholes to guarantee that Putin’s oligarchic friends at Apple, Amazon, Wal-Mart, Exxon and other Fortune 100 corporations, will pay very low taxes or no taxes al all.
An important thing that worked fine in the Soviet Union was the total control by the Communist government over the press. So, one of the first things President Putin will do in America is to establish a total control over the Internet, the only still free medium in the U.S., and will close those obnoxious sites publishing anti-government seditious propaganda, such as the site of the guy who claims that 9/11 was an inside job. To stop him, and send a clear message to the rest, Putin will contact his oligarch friends at Apple and Facebook, who will censor him Soviet style.
Communists have always been internationalists, so Putin will push the idea of the need for the creation of a more just, equalitarian New Communist World Order, mentioning it in every speech. To this effect, he will launch a big propaganda campaign through the pages of the New York Pravda and the Washington Izvestia, as well as through the NPR, the traditional organ of American commies, and Democracy Now, the traditional organ of Berkeley’s rabid, progressive commies.
Putin is aware that a key form of political control is population reduction. So, in order to carry out his evil plan to destroy America, he will appoint even more commies to the Supreme Court to join RBG, and they will pass laws approving abortion and sexual aberrations whose only goal is population reduction.
His successful experience in the Soviet Union told Putin that a stupid population is a lot easier to control, so he will create a Department of Education, create thousands of public schools and will sign executive laws for mandatory schooling of American children. As expected, the main role of these public schools, fully under the control of communist extremists and perverts, will not be educating but indoctrinating students into accepting the New Communist World Order.
Moreover, as soon as Putin is elected, colleges and universities will begin implementing their vision of political correctness. From then on, you will have to be very careful of what you say. A wrong word and you will lose your job and become a pariah.
One of Putin’s priorities once he is in the Red House (formerly known as the White House) would be to infiltrate key organizations of the U.S. government, such as the FBI, CIA, NSA and the Pentagon and put them under the control of trusted Communists like himself. To his advantage, he won’t have to infiltrate the State Department because it has been under the control of known communists since the 1930s.
Another thing evil Putin will do is to destroy America’s industrial base by encouraging the oligarchs of industry to outsource jobs to countries where they can pay sweatshop salaries to their workers and where workers’ unions are banned. They will follow Putin’s advice happily, because it will not only help them to make more money but also to hide it from the IRS.
Cardinal in Putin’s plan to destroy America is the creation of a department of public disease — devious Putin will name it Department of Public Health — which not only will benefit Big Med and Big Pharma, but will also guarantee a sick population, fully under the dependency of prescription drugs and incapable of rebelling against totalitarianism.
Following the Roman system of bread and circuses, the Putin administration will encourage Americans to tie themselves to TV screens and cell phones. Soon after he is elected, most Americans will pass half of their time watching the most stupid things on a screen.
Finally, Putin will declare that, as an important step to get rid of America’s outdated, racist, homophobic Constitution, he has signed an executive order turning this country from a Republic into a People’s Democracy. The next day he will sign another executive order canceling the Bill of Rights. After that, Americans will not have any rights whatsoever, only the ones given to them by the government.
So, if you love America as it was, we need to stop evil Putin now, before it is too late. Our freedoms, and perhaps even our lives, depend on it!
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